I know I am way far behind in posting in my blog these days but something is wrong, something is missing.. there's a hole inside me and no matter how wonderful people are or how many amazing opportunities keep coming my way I can't find a way to fill it. Each day passes and I feel like it's a dream, like it's happening to someone else not me... That I am still living my life a year ago and any day now I will wake up... I'm watching as everything in everyone changes before my eyes people come and people go. Opportunities come and opportunities pass.. words not spoken that should have been shared, holding back changes everything. But even when it hurts this way, what is it exactly that hurts? Is it me, is it you, is it everyone around me. Sometimes I feel like I am just ultra sensitive to the people around me and I want everyone else to be happy so bad I forget to be a little selfish.. and when I am.. my timing is all wrong. This is my journal so I should be able to vent here as I want but I also know I am being watched, always, it makes me feel schizophrenic when I feel I have to censor myself.. I am on the verge of just combining it all and saying to hell with you all. Love me or don't, leave me or don't. But that's as much venting as I am going to do for tonight, perhaps I'll write more.. share more when I sort out my feelings.. when I have some sort of closure on this open space that's gaping from my insides.. *GorY* I know.. so here is a song instead.
Hanging by a string
Can't face the thoughts
No wheels will bring
I gotta go
It's bad enough being at home
Without a way to leave the damage
Is gonna show
If I don't explain
What you oughta know
You can tell me all about it
At the next ball show
I'm sinking in the quicksand of my thoughts
And I ain't got the power anymore
Don't believe in yourself
Don't deceive with belief
..Two of the same fortunes in two different cookies, at two different restaurants, in two different cities... at least they're honest.
.Now cheer me up and buy some prints, it makes me happy when I know people appreciate my work =P
Goodnight everyone!
xx
I consider you and my son two of my sweetest angels so its no surprise he loves you so very much. I think what you feel is what most of us feel and so many are afraid to say. I believe the older you become and the more you learn to love and accept yourself the easier it is to say those very words. All I can tell you is what I tell my kid " be true to yourself and spirit, never give up, always have an opinion and don't let somebody tell you that you're wrong for your beliefs"
ReplyDelete<3 Sandra Skipper